A HUMBLE RESPONSE TO CRITICISM

The evidence of our human depravity (sin nature), and what is left of our unredeemed flesh, is pride in our life. Pride causes blindness that hinders us from seeing our hearts as they really are, so we need the body of Christ for accountability that should lead to our greater sanctification.  Today, I want to look at one way this process presents itself.

As followers of the Lord Jesus Christ, we want to be humble. One way that God produces humility in us is by allowing other people to rebuke and criticize us. Do you want to know how deeply pride is rooted in your heart? First, watch how you naturally respond to honest rebuke or criticism. Rebuke or criticism can also be understood as correction, admonishment, and instruction. Using all these words to paint an accurate picture, we should easily see honest rebuke as a good thing especially when understood in the light of its purpose—helping a person grow in his faithfulness to God. When giving honest criticism, it is very important that we should do so in a spirit of tenderness and patience offering encouragement at the same time.  

I do not know about you, but I find it very difficult to bring rebuke or criticism into the life of another believer. It takes time (watching a person’s life), much prayer, and waiting for the right opportunity to bring a concern to someone for a sinful pattern in their life. My first response in the need to bring correction, is: “Who am I? What business is it of mine?” But it is my business because we are members of one body with the sole purpose of glorifying Christ, our head. On the other hand, I have had to learn, over much time, to take honest criticism and have even come to the point of seeking it and longing for it as evidence of the love another has for me. I understand the value of Proverbs 27:17—Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

I have always struggled socially, as I may have said before. When I was a much younger Christian, a couple confronted my husband and me about the way we came into the church, sat in the back row without removing our coats, and left immediately following the service. What was my response? I started crying like a baby! You know, the ugly kind of crying where I could not put two coherent words together. What this young couple was trying to tell us is that they wanted to be let into our lives, but it appeared we were keeping everyone at arm’s length. At the time, we rationalized our sin to each other by acknowledging and falling back on our social inadequacies. The couple was right, and over time I have learned to force myself to overcome this tendency to withdraw by relying on the Holy Spirit to help me love others more than I love myself. The point is, I have chewed on this rebuke for decades, and God has used it to further sanctify me.

In a not-so-distant instance, my husband gently rebuked me when he and I were both in prison. For years, we were writing very lengthy letters back and forth peeling back layers of an onion that had for too long been left untouched. It was good. I started seeing this gentle rebuke as more than just a casual observance, and it would not go away. Greg was pointing out the fact that I was too emotional. Of course, I responded like this: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M TOO EMOTIONAL? YOU DON’T WANT A KARLA WITH NO EMOTION! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT!” That is me screaming in all caps! At once, I was reminded of my days when I was a soap opera addict before the Lord gave me my own adventurous life in Him! When I used to watch soap operas, I got so caught up in the lives of these characters, that I was a real drama queen when my family got home from work and school. What Greg was trying to tell me was that I needed to learn to filter my emotions through truth—not to always react, but to learn to make deliberate actions based upon truth. What further enlightened my eyes was when I went back to do an overall edit on my book. My sweet friend had suggested I might be using too many exclamation points. Wow! Was she right!!! I started recognizing the rebuke from my sons when they would tell me, “Mom, why are you screaming?” I wasn’t; honest! I get very excited when I begin to talk about things that I am passionate about. I later told my husband about the exclamation points: “Well, I’m a very passionate person, but I finally understand what you are talking about.” He said with playfulness in his voice, “Trust me, I know what a passionate person you are.”

2 Timothy 3:16—All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. In a world where everyone seems to be so easily offended, it takes a lot of courage to bring an honest rebuke to someone you love. The next time someone comes to you in love with words offered to help you grow in your relationship with Christ remember: (1) It’s probably harder for them to give than you to receive; (2) You cannot see your own heart clearly due to the remaining pride in your heart, so assume there is some truth in what they are saying; (3)You aren’t perfect, and there are things in your life that need corrected; (4) If you truly belong to Christ, you want to grow up into His likeness, and putting people in your life who will love you enough to bring a rebuke is His gift to you. (5) Remember that this process of holding each other accountable is a principle that God instituted for His church and that it is for His glory; and (6) Ask questions so that you clearly understand the issue being addressed. This will encourage the one who loved you enough to confront.

So, first we can see the pride in our hearts through our own responses to honest criticism. Second, our pride is even more so revealed when we are unjustly criticized. In both cases, it is a proud heart that quickly rises in defense with an attitude of stubborn resentment or self-justification. A humble heart accepts the offense. God allows both honest criticism and unjust criticism in our lives so that we might learn humility.

In Scripture, Paul dealt with insults, persecution, and slander, even sometimes from the brethren. 2 Corinthians 12 deals with this issue. Could God have protected Paul from these attacks? Certainly, He could have, just as He could protect us from the same. When God allows us to be unjustly attacked or falsely accused through insults or criticism, we can know that we need to be humbled. It is easy to imagine how puffed up we would get if we were only ever praised and encouraged. Interestingly, as I was reading a book regarding a biblical perspective on narcissism, two of the things the author points out that can contribute to this self-exultation resulting in insolent pride, or narcissism, are: Resistance to oppression and shame and self-exultation from prosperity or praise. In the words of DC Robertsson: Example #1 is Entrenched Defense to Fear and Shame— “One secular observation is that narcissists were excessively criticized during their formative years. In my view, this is a valid observation.” The author supports this theory with Matthew 18:5-7 saying, “The scenario is that someone in power or authority bullies and seeks to dominate a child—either overtly or covertly. This typically includes constant criticism, leading a child to ultimately fear that he’s ‘good for nothing’—which is a lie.” The child either accepts the lie, defends himself against the lie and the fear, or uses God’s defense against the lie. “The average child in that situation does not want to accept the lie—it would be too painful. And most will not know God’s defense. The “natural” answer is to defend himself against the fear and lie. He would do this through self-exaltation and pretending to be better than he truly believes himself to be. A repeated and reinforcing cycle of this would, in the end, cause him to fully believe the story he tells himself.”

The second example had to do with Self-Exaltation from Prosperity or Praise—The author uses Deuteronomy 8:11-15 and Hosea 13:6 to support this theory. Proverbs 30:8-10 is a challenge to us to remain humble. It is not hard for us to understand how a child who receives excessive, and even unjustified, praise could move toward a narcissistic attitude in life. There is a real danger in letting our pride be fed by the esteem of others. Have you ever heard the expression, “That guy needed knocked down a peg or two”? We all do! And God’s hammer never misses its mark when it comes to pride.

God also allows people to misunderstand us and misrepresent us judging our motives wrongly. What do you do when you have been falsely accused? Psalm 35:20 tells us that there are those in the world who do not speak peace, but they speak against those who are quiet in the land devising words of deceit. People have been lying about the innocent from the beginning of time. Exodus 20:16—You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. The punishment in the Mosaic Law for someone who falsely accused another person was for the judge to do to them what the false accuser had intended to do to the falsely accused. (Deuteronomy 19:18-19) The punishment of a false witness was to be carried out without pity (Deuteronomy 19:21) because it was a very serious thing in God’s eyes to make a false accusation. It is easy to see that God, as the Supreme Judge, carried this judgment out flawlessly according to His own Law in the life of Haman in the book of Esther. What Haman meant as evil judgment for Mordecai was returned on his own head. (Esther 5 & 6) The doctrine of exact retribution is in Psalm 35 and many others.

When an indictment is brought down on someone in our justice system, the government starts interviewing their witnesses. These interviews are typed up as initial statements that will be given to the defendants early in the process to induce the acceptance of plea agreements. If a plea deal is rejected, these witnesses may or may not be called to the stand on behalf of the government at trial. There were MANY government witnesses in our case who testified on the stand. The problem is that they did not testify to the “facts” according to their initial statements. Their “facts” had been completely turned upside down. This should have made them not credible. Had our attorneys even objected one time or had even bothered to call even one witness on our behalf, much of the show that had been put on for the jury could have been exposed for the fiction it was based upon. I will admit that learning to deal with false accusations has been a long, difficult process. Ironically, I became very close friends in prison with the one governmental witness who may have done my family and I the most harm. How did this happen? First, the Lord gave me a real love for this woman. Second, because I know Him, my heart aches for the fact that while she may have saved her own skin in this life to a small degree, she will be held accountable for her lies on Judgment Day before God, and that makes me scared and sad for her and all the others who felt it necessary to give false witness in our case.

Were there things, while not illegal, that needed to be dealt with in my own life throughout my “prison trial”? Yes. And the Lord knew exactly what He was doing to bring whatever circumstances in my life that He saw fit to help me to grow in sanctification. For that, I will always be grateful.