THE CALL TO LOVE – DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS

^{“I’m sorry but, I love her, I just don’t like her!” “I love her, I just don’t want to have anything to do with her!” “I had to remove myself from that relationship with so and so; there was just too much drama!” “I don’t need this heartache in my life! I’m done!”  “I’m getting a divorce because I don’t love him any longer. He no longer satisfies me or fulfills my needs.” “I just don’t feel any love for him any longer.” What are your thoughts about these types of statements? Have you heard them come out of the mouths of Christians? Have you said them yourself? Maybe another Christian has given you permission to walk away from a difficult relationship you were dealing with at one time. (Red flag when a Christian starts a sentence with, “I’m sorry but…” There’s usually rationalization for sin coming next.) While I won’t have enough space to deal with this issue at length here, I do spend quite a bit of time addressing this issue in my book that is, God willing, to be released in the next few months. The fact is, you may be able to rationalize situations that demand a decision in how you deal with your difficult relationships, but if they are not based upon truth (but modern psychological principles), you may be unaware that you are sinning.}

^{I am not, in any way, suggesting that we are not to put biblical boundaries in place in all our relationships. There is much Scripture to support such boundaries, especially when dealing with extremely narcissistic people. What I am saying is that sometimes, even within the church, it becomes all too easy to make excuses for not dealing with the people the Lord has directly put into our paths for the sole purpose of our own sanctification. Perhaps, we don’t know what we need after all. In fact, we do not. Could it be that the Lord, knowing exactly what you need, put that difficult relationship squarely in front of you because you do need the heartache…you need to be broken and humbled. Maybe you need to be reminded of who you are in the light of God’s own glory and holiness. Maybe dealing with the difficult person in your life will put a spotlight on the areas where your flesh rises most easily to exult self. Loving others who are not so lovable should remind us of God’s great love for US! Loving others who are not so lovable puts God’s great glory on display? How?}

^{We know that our greatest calling as believers is to glorify God. The greatest battle we face as Christians is this war between our flesh’s desire to glorify self and the Spirit’s desire that we glorify God. Self, or my flesh, is proud. The Spirit alone produces humility in me that can glorify God. Self supremely loves the god of me, myself, and I. Only His Spirit in me can produce true, godly love. God loves perfectly, for He is love. While I am called to love as He loves, I cannot love like this apart from His Spirit’s work in and through my heart. The greatest love in all the universe was put on display at Calvary. God’s supreme glory was put on display there, as well. Sacrificial love is what we, His followers, are called to model in His name.}

^{When He was about to die, Jesus told His disciples: A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. (John 13:34-35) How was this command new? The actual command to love was not new as evidenced by verses like the following: But when the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered themselves together. One of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “’YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:34-40) Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. For this, “YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, YOU SHALL NOT MURDER, YOU SHALL NOT STEAL, YOU SHALL NOT COVET,” And if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, “YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law. (Romans 13:8-10)}

^{So, there are several things we can see from these verses. What was new in the command Jesus gave His disciples in John 13 was a picture of how they were to love or the extent to which their calling reached. He was going to give them a very clear picture of what biblical love was supposed to look like. The love Jesus calls us to model after Him is sacrificial in nature. In no way does it resemble anything our culture views as ‘love’. Our modern world puts ‘love’ in the category of disposable. Our society with its consumer mentality is used to getting a money-back guarantee for anything with which we are not completely satisfied. Biblical love is not disposable. It is covenantal love. It goes the distance when love gets messy as it wades through the muck and mire of life alongside the object of its love.}

^{Not only are we to love sacrificially; we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. This is a truth bomb that should never be allowed to pass over our heads quickly. First, who is our neighbor? Our neighbor is anyone who has a need whom the Lord puts in our path. I have learned that if the Lord puts someone in your path (even 1,200 other inmates) they are there for a good purpose in your own life and for God’s glory. Obey His command to love them, and a whole new world of blessing will be opened to you. Then, how are we to love our neighbor? Incidentally, if you are married, who is your closest neighbor? Just saying… How am I to love my neighbor? As I already love myself. Our flesh (self) loves itself supremely. Self-esteem advocates who have brought their lies into the church try to tell us that our problem is that we need to learn to love ourselves. The problem is that the Bible never commands me to love God, love others, and love myself! Why? Because as part of my unredeemed flesh, I already do love myself. I was born with the attitude that the world somehow revolves around me. Jesus used the example that we are to love our neighbor as we already love our own flesh because there is no greater example we could understand. We already love ourselves, and it’s not a good thing! It is the great battle we must fight in this life as believers. It is the battle for humility – to love God and others more than we love ourselves.}

^{How do we keep the Law of God? By loving God and loving our neighbor as ourselves. This is the debt we owe; it’s a debt of love. Because unbelievers walk (live) in the flesh, they are not free to love God and others. But believers have been given a new nature and the Holy Spirit to overcome the flesh in all things.}

^{For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.” But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another. (Galatians 5:13-14) How is the Law of God fulfilled in this one statement? If I treat others as I want to be treated, I am not going to violate God’s commands in my interpersonal relationships.}

^{We must remember that Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, likened the sin of murder to the root of anger from which it originates. We know that we are not to commit adultery, but Jesus said that the heart issue that must be dealt with is lust. It becomes immediately clear that loving our neighbor as God commands is going to require us to keep a watch over our heart in all its thoughts and motives for godly love cannot flow from a heart that is feeding the flesh in any way. This is only possible by the Spirit’s help.}

^{But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evidence, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. (Galatians 5:16-24) While imprisoned, I got a very clear picture of this verse, but not in a way a Christian might expect. In the church, it is not always easy to spot manifestations of the flesh. Why? Because Christians learn early to speak and act a certain way. I have known friends in Bible studies I have been intimately involved with two distinctly different groups of friends – those within the circle of Christianity and those who claimed to believe in Christ but who lived dramatically different lifestyles. It was hard work to make sure that the two groups should never intersect. While fleshly heart issues are not so easily recognizable inside the Church, most Christians have no problem detecting the flesh in its outward manifestations. It may even become a blatant slap in the face for the Christian who has lived in a bubble for any length of time. When I went to prison, I was immediately confronted with the most obvious of fleshly deeds daily. Based upon my inward responses that arose in my own heart, I could clearly see the areas wherein I needed to crucify my flesh in all its sinful ugliness. A mirror was constantly reminding me from where I came. There may not have been a soul there who knew what was going on in my own heart, but the Lord knew, and He was using my time there to refine and sanctify me! Within that refining and sanctification was the never-ending call to love my neighbors as I love myself.}

^{Friends, do you love your neighbors—not just the lovable ones who please you?  It is impossible to love as we are called to love in our own flesh. God’s love is a giving, sacrificial love. What does God’s love give? Everything! For God so loved me…that He gave me His Son. There was no greater gift to give. God calls me to love my enemies as He loved me when I was still His enemy. (Romans 5:10; Ephesians 2) How do you love those in your most difficult relationships sacrificially? The world is filled with the unlovable—those who live in the flesh, who hate God. They need God’s love just as much as you or I needed it when God, in Christ Jesus, saved us. Just as God set His love on each of us (as His elect) before the foundation of the world, He is putting those who are also His elect (but who have not yet been saved) in your path. You are to love even your enemies by denying yourself, take up your cross, and follow Jesus. If we love Him, we will keep His commandments.}

^{“You have heard it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore, you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:43-48)}

^{The next time you are tempted to resist the call to embrace your neighbor with the love that only He can give, examine your heart to see what’s going on there. If necessary, repent and bow the knee to His perfect will for your life. I promise you will not be sorry you stuck out those difficult relationships. The treasure you will find there is worth it for your greatest good and God’s glory.}