Thoughts From a Prison Cell (5)--Break Every Chain, Lord!

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 5/10/2012--We are on lock down today. I don't know why.  I have no desire to eat today. My roommate decided to wake up at 3:00 a.m. and put the light on (over my head) until 8:00 a.m. She proceeded to do laundry, put things up on the wall and every other loud thing she could do. I'm down today. I hope my books come today. 

It's lunchtime, and we're still locked down. I heard, through the inmate grapevine, that the whole prison is locked down for the next 48 hours. I was strip searched...again. Our cell was searched, and then canines searched a second time. I finally received letters from home. I love them, but they can't possible understand how hopeless it is in here. 

5/11/2012--Locked down again, today. I slept from 9:00 p.m. until 8:00 a.m. I only had to sit up one time for a few moments. Today, I am mailing my letter to Daddy. I'm sure he is worried because I didn't call last night. If I can't call tonight, he's going to think I've been moved. 

Today is the last day for Jordan and Jared's classes. They will be going home soon. I can't wait to be able to talk to them. Today, Missy would be 28 years old. 

5/12/2012--Daddy told me Jesse wrote letters to Greg and me. I tossed and turned all night wondering whether he's really okay. I have to trust the Lord for him. There are many things on my mind. I need Your wisdom, Lord. 

5/14/2012--Prison really plays with your mind. I have started thinking: What if Greg starts to forget about me? What if everyone moves on without me?

Last night I felt so alone. I have never in my life felt this alone. I know that I have no one to trust but the Lord because humans are human. They can never give me the kind of love I need. Only You, Lord, can fill that need and satisfy me completely. Help me keep my mind fixed on You!

A lady in the news not long ago is in here now. She is accused of an unspeakable crime. She's a beautiful black lady who asked to be introduced to me and my friends last evening. She said she knew we would never be mean to her. God's hand of protection is large upon me as I have not had one person--there are 90-some in our pod--be mean to me. I try to have a smile and an encouraging word for everyone. He has given me a love for them, even though there is nothing in Me that wants to be here. 

"There are no sins God's people are more subject to than unbelief and impatience. They are ready either to faint through unbelief, or to fret through impatience." Thomas Watson

May 15, 2012--Lightbulb! When Missy died, I believed God let me understand who He is as sovereign God--that was the main lesson He taught me through her death. A friend of a friend asked me what God taught me through Missy's death a month or so later, and I blurted out--that God is in control of all things. I didn't even know what the doctrine of God's sovereignty was at that time. For the last six years I have known that God has wanted me to know who I am and has been driving home the doctrine of human depravity. It would make sense that this lesson would not be complete without experiencing a time in prison--especially here! I have been given eyes to clearly see what the chains of the bondage of sin looks like. Sin destroys, and we're all guilty!

Jeremiah 17:9--The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?

Romans 1:18-32

The only thing that separates me from those in prison is Christ--God choosing to save me from myself and from His wrath. These women are in invisible chains that bind stronger than the actual chains around their wrists, waists, and feet. I once was bound by these same chains. But Christ broke them from me once for all. The key to breaking the bonds of sin is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

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