Thoughts From a Prison Cell (6)--Calling the Downcast Out of Darkness Into His Marvelous Light

5/16/2012--I received the best letter of my life yesterday from Jesse. I am so blessed to know how You are faithfully working in his life, Lord. My heart is soaring with praise and thanksgiving. 

Jordan and Jared made it as far as Denver, Colorado yesterday, and stayed with friends last evening. (Two young boys with all family members incarcerated traveling across country to auction off everything in their home knowing they will never return there again.) I pray, dear Father, for travel mercies for them, that You would keep your hand on them for their guidance and protection. Give them wisdom. Help them not lose heart.

5/17/2012--I got to see Jesse in court today. He was so emotional seeing me that he couldn't talk. He looked so good. I kept telling him I loved him and to 'hang in there'. The hearing was so stupid. I have no idea what it was about, no clue as to its purpose. Jesse called Daddy and told him to tell me how sorry he was that he couldn't talk to me. He was not expecting to see me, and it really got to him seeing me this way. Sitting downstairs was such a hellish experience. I saw a man who was all over the news who had committed a double murder. Inches away from him; only glass separated us. He got life in prison. (I wonder if he will receive true 'life' in prison.)

5/18/2012--One woman told me yesterday she gained 60 pounds in 7 months in here, mainly on commissary food.

I had a long talk with my friend who has been my friend from Day 1. She's my walking, talking buddy. We tend to read the same books from the book shelves, but from talking with her, I wasn't sure where she was spiritually. She is hungry; that I know. She seemed to embrace some things I talked about, but some hard truths she would shy away from. Here's the thing about prison: one who has the intentions of evangelizing has a more captive audience than on the outside. I mean, where will they run? Prison, by far, has been the best mission field I have ever known to date. 

Today, my friend was talking non-stop about one Christian book she found in here. She wants to get it on the outside or take it with her. I asked her if she has a Bible. She replied negatively. When I asked her if she wanted one, she exclaimed,"No...for real?" I handed her the second copy of the Bible I had and told her to keep it. She began to cry. We had just gotten finished talking about the Lord and what He has done in her life when I told her about what the Lord is doing in Jesse's life from his letter to me. Again...she cried. She said, "Yesterday, I walked out for breakfast, and my heart almost stopped because you weren't here. I thought you had left. You don't know how bad I need you here." For right now, I am so thankful to be here to watch what He is doing in my life and in the lives of those around me.

Theresa left today. She is the one my friend and I had taken under our wings when she first walked in. She said she would never, ever forget us. From listening to all the stories my friend has told me, those who minister to you in prison, you never do forget. Theresa had been in prison many times. She said this time her life was changed forever. Kathy asked her what the first thing she was going to do when she got out of prison. She said, "Drop to my knees and thank the Lord."

Aunt Sis sent me a card today with a lot of Scriptures in it. It ministered to me deeply.

5/19/2012--When we lose everything, we gain Christ. He is there to hold onto. It is fear, doubt, and worry that are building blocks of walls that imprison us. 

5/20/12--I talked to several different women today about what it means to have faith in Christ. 

My circumstances seemed dark when I first came to prison. I didn't feel that I had enough faith to survive. One of the first nights here, I began to cry on the phone with my Dad, "Daddy, I don't think I can make it." He began to cry as well. "Just trust Jesus, Honey."

(Feelings should never be the gauge of truth for the believer. We should all realize how susceptible we are to be wobbly in our faith when we begin to focus on earthshaking circumstances instead of keeping our eyes fixed on Christ. I recently told my Bible study girls that we're like God's Weebles. We may wobble, but we don't fall down so as to fall. We're like the punching bag clown on Romper Room. I may stay down for a moment or two when punched in the gut by life, but he will raise me up again! Ephesians 2:8 says: For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. While it may not feel as though I have enough faith to make it in any given situation or trial, He is the one who gifted me with faith for salvation, and He, the author and perfecter of my faith, will carry on His work in me to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.)

It's day 24, and I've been telling girls every day--you can make it with Christ. They say, "But I can't stop crying." There's a beautiful 21-year-old here who I just had this conversation with. I said, "We've all been where you are...if you need to cry, then cry!" She said, "In a way, I'm glad I came for some reason, but I can't make it to Wednesday." I said, "Yes, you can. I did."

How many stories I've heard. So many to pray for. (So many lost souls who don't realize what they are searching for to fill the void in their life is Christ. Only He satisfies.) Pain, suffering, and fear is the same in each one of us. We're all human beings born in Adam. They must see the light of hope in the face of Jesus Christ.

I'm missing things in the boys' life; this makes me sad. But God gives peace and real joy to sustain.

Kathy said to me today, "You have adjusted to prison well and very quickly." I replied, "What other choice did I have? This is what Christ has called me to do." If He calls me to suffer, He will give me His strength to endure. There is no doubt, whatsoever, in my mind that I could not handle this on my own.

Lord, I thank You for all the people You have put in my path right here and right now. More and more I am realizing how level the ground is at the foot of the cross.