Thoughts From a Prison Cell (7)--Guilty, Vile, and Helpless, Me...

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 5/21/2012--Lord, You are teaching me to rely on You fully for everything--from the most basic of needs--toilet paper--to my deepest needs of the affections of my heart--working in the hearts of my boys to make them wholly Yours and bringing Jordan and Jared safely home. You, most loving, gracious, and merciful Father are awesome, and I love You! My heart overflows with adoration and praise for You and Your goodness to me. How blessed I am. I must also believe You are working in the hearts of both Greg and me to restore our marriage and make it what You created it to be in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I had my classification today. I'm not moving until my appeal--that is what they told me. (This was not true.) My roommate is moving and possibly my two friends. I really hope that Kathy doesn't move. She is leaving in 18 days. I believe I'll be gone by then, too. My roommate got to go home today. 

We were locked down for five hours today from 10:30 to 4:30, and now we're in early at 7:30 because girls were being too loud.

I'm feeling a little down tonight. I got a popcorn kernel stuck in the back of my throat but finally was able to get it out after sticking my fingers down my throat. Lord, help me endure...

5/22/2012--Thank You, Lord, for this day. Thank You for giving me privacy and quiet to read and meditate on Your Word.

You have given me a love for these women, yet there is such fleshly living everywhere. There is no self-control and little selflessness. The Christian bubble I had locked myself inside for years burst wide open the day I walked into this place. Reality check!

I'm reading Jerry Bridges, The Pursuit of Holiness. 

"Our reactions to circumstances are a part of our walk of holiness. Holiness is not a series of do's and don'ts, but conformity to the character of God and obedience to the will of God. Accepting with contentment whatever circumstances God allows for me is very much a part of a holy walk."

I just thought of something. We must go through circumstances in which faith to endure is developed in us so that we can grow up and have a faith that endures. 

It is the Lord who gives us strength to respond to trials in contentment.

Philippians 4:11-13--Not that I speak from need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with little, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. 

This makes me think of a story that makes me cringe now. My grandmother was a godly woman. At a family function, she was admiring my watch which happened to be a Rolex. I'm sure she had no idea the status of wearing a Rolex, nor would she have cared of such things. I remember telling her, "Well, Grandma, I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with little, and I also know how to live in prosperity." I'm certain this is not what the Apostle Paul had in mind!🙅 I am so thankful the Lord didn't leave me in my immaturity but has given me hard situations to discipline and sanctify me.  

Colossians 1:11 says that endurance and patience come from being strengthened with God's power. 

As repugnant as the cesspool of jail is to my spirit, it is nothing compared to the cesspool still remaining in my flesh before God. Yet, He loves me and embraces me fully in Christ Jesus. Only the Holy Spirit can expose the filth in my own heart to me. My vile heart is exposed for the purpose of leading me to holiness. Guilty, vile, and helpless, we...spotless Lamb of God was He. Hallelujah! what a Savior!

"A Christian who witnesses in a spirit of genuine concern for another person is not likely to be corrupted by that person's immorality. And through gracious, loving concern, he may perhaps win that person to the Savior. We do not act as the salt of the earth or shine as the light of the world by necessarily denouncing the sins of our worldly associates. Our own holy life will serve as a sufficient rebuke, and our interest in others at this point is not their conduct but their need of Jesus Christ as their Savior." Jerry Bridges

Not once in here have I been concerned that the immorality around me would corrupt me. It is shocking and eye-opening, yes. But I know He is with me in a way I have never known before. This quote made me think of something:

This place is filthy. Anyone can see that. As shocking to my spirit as jail is to me, I have to wonder if this is the way, to some degree, Jesus felt when He came to earth to walk among us sinners? Do I really understand the depth of my own sinfulness? We are filthy, vile sinners in the sight of God until He saves us. I say, "Lord, I get it," but do I? Please forgive me.

Man of Sorrows, What a Name

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