Thoughts From a Prison Cell (8)--Dreams and Reality

 

5/23/2012--Reality check. There is a new lady on the pod today. She set her house on fire with her kids inside it. She got five to ten years. That's hard to take. (In the same news for 5/14/2012 another local woman was convicted of killing her stepfather and burying him in the coal cellar of the family's home in 1983. She will serve "at least" seven years in prison. My son got 9 years, I got 4.25 years, and my husband got 20 on a bogus plea deal. This shows how our justice system values money--viewing money crimes more serious than crimes of violence--way more than human life. ) (My only deduction was that You wanted me in prison for my good and Your glory. And that is the truth I bowed my knee to in the "prison trial" You ordained for me.)

5/24/2012--Day 28--My dad and my two sons came to visit me today. They were able to pick up the money order. That is a relief! I praise You, Lord!

5/25/2012--I just remembered a very vivid dream I had many years ago while attending a Baptist church in our small town. I dreamt I was in a maximum security prison visiting with others from my church, including the pastor. There was a man there, on death row, waiting to be executed. All from the church were ready to leave, but there was something about this man for whom I felt overwhelming compassion and love. I couldn't/wouldn't leave without telling him about the love of Christ. I remember he gave his heart to Christ--I hugged him and my heart was overflowing with love for him and so much joy knowing he was saved, not from execution, but from eternal death. To this day, I remember this dream and also the emotions I felt in it. Was this a call, a vision, a foreshadowing of a prison ministry? Never would I EVER have imagined I'd one day find myself sitting as an inmate in a maximum security prison doing hard time along with my son and my husband.

Lord, help my new friend, Jeannette. She's new here, older, and can't stop crying. She's got a lot of medical issues, and she says they won't give her her medication (not surprising at all). She says she is suicidal. My new roommate was already on the suicide watch pod, and she is a nurse. I introduced them. Later in the day, I talked to Jeannette, mostly letting her talk for an hour and a half just trying to encourage and support her. She is from a town in Pittsburgh where we used to live. It amazes me how our lives overlap with many in here. I told her bits and pieces of my story and what I've learned in prison and through my life. She said my eyes sparkle, and there is a radiance and "positively a glow" about me for someone in prison. She says I don't look "drawn" like most of the others. That's not what I see in the 'mirror', but I am blessed to think others can see Christ's glory in me. She said she felt so alone, ashamed, and degraded before I walked over to her. She said she'd never forget my kindness to her and that if she ever runs into me she will hug me. She told me she is Catholic and has had some bad experiences in her past with "born again Christians". She listened intently, however, when I talked to her about my beliefs. The Lord is able to get our attention!

(After my daughter died in 2001, the theme of 'joy in Christ' resonated in my spirit for a long time. An old song*** I used to sing would come to mind as I repeated over and over again, the joy of the Lord is my strength. And it is!)

5/26/2012--I didn't ever think I could make it a month. But, praise God alone, I did! I have finally come to the place where I'm able to be thankful the Lord put me here. That's from Him, too!

I had a long talk with Jeannette today. She is questioning the difference she sees in me. Help me, Lord, to continue pointing to Your power and strength in my life. She wants to know why I didn't want to commit suicide in here. (ACJ has a very high rate of suicides. One young lady I knew from our pod committed suicide shortly after I left.) She said she doesn't understand why she sees no bitterness in my face. I told her I have been asking the Lord for six years (during the investigation into my husband's business and our subsequent indictments) to keep me from bitterness which I still struggle with when I take my focus off Christ. She said she will definitely take meeting me with her when she leaves. I pray she takes You with her, Lord! Prison is a virtual mission field for showing hurting people the love of Christ. I think I've prayed for this opportunity on many occasions...Hmmm!

Matthew 9:36--Seeing the crowds, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and downcast, like sheep without a shepherd. 

(People often put on a front or facade of 'happiness' or 'success' in public. Jesus could see what was in the hearts of all men. Prison makes people face reality.)

I have never seen so many people in one place who are distressed and dispirited who need the Good Shepherd. Draw, save, and shepherd Your elect, dear Lord! I know You are with me. I know You have placed a hedge of protection around me. I know Your strength and Your joy. I exalt Your name, O mighty King! Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I met an older black lady in a wheelchair here tonight. She's here for life. (I never asked what she had done--I don't need to know.) I see the 'sparkle' in her eyes. When the guards weren't looking, she held my hand. 

***Joy is the flag flown high from the castle of my heart when the King is in residence there.

So let it fly in the sky let the whole world know that the King is in residence there.