Lilies of the Field

  6/15/2012 --Day 50--Finally at Alderson.  Ten days earlier... When I left from ACJ, I wasn't sure where I was going or how I was getting there. (God knew.) Melissa, Vicki, and I were called together. Because Missy thought she was going back to Alderson, and Vicki was going to Hazelton, I assumed I was going to Alderson on June 5th. When we got to the airport, however, Vicki and Missy went on the bus to Hazelton (West Virginia--but not a Camp--Hazelton is a medium-security facility that houses men and women. Many women come from Hazelton to Alderson once their security level points have decreased to a certain number. This happens after doing so much of their time without incident.) A guy named Anthony and I got on the plane to only God knew where. (Where He leads, sometimes I have no choice but to follow, and that's a good thing.) There were five girls on the 'plane' (I loosely refer to it as such), and the rest were men. I hadn't eaten or drank anything all day be...

5/29/2012 --I've been thinking a lot about the children of Israel in the wilderness and how God used that time to make Moses into the leader He purposed him to be. Because the wilderness is a painful and lonely experience, it exposes us for who we are. It strips us of every vain encumbrance revealing the depths of our weakness. Once we've been exposed to our vile nature, we should turn to God's merciful offer of salvation. Yet, most do not. For about a week, I got distracted by my case. I started talking to a woman, who I now believe is a con-artist. After talking to several other women who pulled me aside, realizing what was going on, they convinced me with solid evidence that this woman tries to get information to give to the Feds that can be used against someone but lessen her sentence. Apparently, it's quite common in prison. Promising freedom, I bought the lie and bit down on the lure she cast for me. She was probably thinking how easy it was to lure me in. But why...

  5/27/2012 --Shouting matches erupted this morning at breakfast over a simple question by someone about church. (I might add, I was not in the conversation. 😬) Interestingly, I had just started talking to Jeannette about Christ, again, but got interrupted by another lady when I started my testimony. She had asked me why I have such peace and why I don't have anger and why I can say I'm thankful to be here. Why, why, why. I told her it is because I know the Lord has put me here for His purpose and that I am a "born-again" (I specifically used that adjective for a reason) Christian who trusts God's Word when it says He is working all things for my good and His glory.  When pressed, she stated she believes she is a Christian because she is a Catholic and a good person. Once again, she relayed to me how she had a bad experience with "born again" Christians who were foster parents to her daughter. She has a lot of problems that she believes all stem from do...

  5/23/2012 - -Reality check. There is a new lady on the pod today. She set her house on fire with her kids inside it. She got five to ten years. That's hard to take. (In the same news for 5/14/2012 another local woman was convicted of killing her stepfather and burying him in the coal cellar of the family's home in 1983. She will serve "at least" seven years in prison. My son got 9 years, I got 4.25 years, and my husband got 20 on a bogus plea deal. This shows how our justice system values money--viewing money crimes more serious than crimes of violence--way more than human life. ) (My only deduction was that You wanted me in prison for my good and Your glory. And that is the truth I bowed my knee to in the "prison trial" You ordained for me.) 5/24/2012--Day 28 --My dad and my two sons came to visit me today. They were able to pick up the money order. That is a relief! I praise You, Lord! 5/25/2012 --I just remembered a very vivid dream I had many years ago...

  5/21/2012 --Lord, You are teaching me to rely on You fully for everything--from the most basic of needs--toilet paper--to my deepest needs of the affections of my heart--working in the hearts of my boys to make them wholly Yours and bringing Jordan and Jared safely home. You, most loving, gracious, and merciful Father are awesome, and I love You! My heart overflows with adoration and praise for You and Your goodness to me. How blessed I am. I must also believe You are working in the hearts of both Greg and me to restore our marriage and make it what You created it to be in Christ Jesus our Lord. I had my classification today. I'm not moving until my appeal--that is what they told me. (This was not true.) My roommate is moving and possibly my two friends. I really hope that Kathy doesn't move. She is leaving in 18 days. I believe I'll be gone by then, too. My roommate got to go home today.  We were locked down for five hours today from 10:30 to 4:30, and now we're in e...

5/16/2012-- I received the best letter of my life yesterday from Jesse. I am so blessed to know how You are faithfully working in his life, Lord. My heart is soaring with praise and thanksgiving.  Jordan and Jared made it as far as Denver, Colorado yesterday, and stayed with friends last evening. (Two young boys with all family members incarcerated traveling across country to auction off everything in their home knowing they will never return there again.) I pray, dear Father, for travel mercies for them, that You would keep your hand on them for their guidance and protection. Give them wisdom. Help them not lose heart. 5/17/2012 --I got to see Jesse in court today. He was so emotional seeing me that he couldn't talk. He looked so good. I kept telling him I loved him and to 'hang in there'. The hearing was so stupid. I have no idea what it was about, no clue as to its purpose. Jesse called Daddy and told him to tell me how sorry he was that he couldn't talk to me. He wa...

  5/10/2012-- We are on lock down today. I don't know why.  I have no desire to eat today. My roommate decided to wake up at 3:00 a.m. and put the light on (over my head) until 8:00 a.m. She proceeded to do laundry, put things up on the wall and every other loud thing she could do. I'm down today. I hope my books come today.  It's lunchtime, and we're still locked down. I heard, through the inmate grapevine, that the whole prison is locked down for the next 48 hours. I was strip searched...again. Our cell was searched, and then canines searched a second time. I finally received letters from home. I love them, but they can't possible understand how hopeless it is in here.  5/11/2012 --Locked down again, today. I slept from 9:00 p.m. until 8:00 a.m. I only had to sit up one time for a few moments. Today, I am mailing my letter to Daddy. I'm sure he is worried because I didn't call last night. If I can't call tonight, he's going to think I've been m...

  5/4/2012--  Encouraged my friend (the one who has lost custody of her disabled son--I'll call her Chrissy). She is really struggling in here. "The only true and enduring motivation for the ministry of mercy is an experience and a grasp of the grace of God in the gospel. If we know we are sinners saved by grace alone, we will be both open and generous to the outcasts and the unlovely." Tim Keller Blessed is he who comes to realize his condition of spiritual bankruptcy. Matthew 5:3--Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  "It means a complete absence of pride, a complete absence of self-assurance and self-reliance. It means a consciousness that we are nothing in the presence of God. It is nothing, then, that we can produce; it is nothing we can do in ourselves. It is just this tremendous awareness of our utter nothingness as we come face to face with God. That is to be poor in spirit." David Martyn Lloyd-Jones Imagining my own bankr...

  5/3/2012-- One week. How many more? My second roommate is moving out. I'm thinking of Greg and the boys constantly. Are they thinking about me? Are they wondering about what I'm thinking about today? Missy would be 28 years old in 8 days. Today is the anniversary of her death. How many days go by now that I forget to think about her? How could I? It's overcast and gloomy today--exactly how my heart feels. While my roommate and I were sitting right outside our cell having breakfast, someone came in our cell and took my roommate's radio. From now on, I guess I'll have to watch the room like a hawk. I can't believe this place. You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7) One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that You, O God, are strong, and that You, O Lord, are loving. (Psalm 62:11-12) I never realized until now how desperate I am for the Word of Life to sustain me each day. I NE...

  5/2/2012 a.m. --I thought it was the fifth day in prison, but it is actually the seventh. (It was actually the sixth!) Yesterday was the worst and best day. I met two more really nice ladies--one in Feds who is going back to WV soon. I pray I go there, too. From everything I've heard, it's nice there. Last night my cellmate got caught smoking cigarettes, and we both got cuffed and made to sit in the middle of the pod while our cell was searched. (The whole pod was on lockdown while this was going on.) Everything from our lockers was thrown out into the middle of the pod in a heap. The guards took all the sanitary napkins I had accumulated! We got strip searched. As soon as we got all our things put back together again, the guards came in again and did a repeat of the same. As I was being strip searched in the shower stalls--in front of all who were watching through their cell windows--I was sobbing, "I didn't do anything wrong!" The guard said, "Honey, we k...

(Image is actual reality.) What a crazy summer I've had! I notice I have not blogged since May 31. For someone who likes (sometimes makes childish demands) that all my ducks be in a row, April until now has been anything BUT falling into line as I would imagine. My body is telling me a lot of things; none the least of which is that I am getting old and need to start giving more attention to my health. Interestingly, the healthiest I have ever been is when I was in prison where I could focus more time on myself than everyone else (not much else to do but work out for three hours a day and spend time in the Word focusing on my physical and spiritual well-being). In mid April, I got Covid for the second time. Less than a month later, my knee just 'went out', which has never happened before. It's still giving me fits! One month to the day, something happened in my eye that put me on a fast track to surgery due to a vitreous hemorrhage and partial detachment of my retina.  M...